Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Rantin' & Ravin': Divorce Edition

One thing I have come across pertaining to our pending divorce is, "Just be glad you didn't have kids, it's so much harder with kids..." or my personal favorite of "No offense but ours is different. We have a family, we have children..."

I'm sure it's just because people forget or maybe they just downplay it in their own minds but news flash mother fuckers, I did have a child. My stepson is one of the best people I have ever met. He is funny, caring, loving and all around just wonderful. I have been in his life for 12 years and now it's very confusing and unclear to me where exactly our relationship stands. Not just because I am divorcing his father, which I suppose makes me no longer a step mother but also because he is an adult now, he just had his 22nd birthday. He is an adult, making up his own mind about the situation. Also, I am a product of a divorce, so excuse me while I throw out that card and have little sympathy for those who still get to have a strong, close relationship with their children, whether it be every other weekend or whatever. I'll just be over here, crying, wondering what the fuck my role is in regards to a child I watched grow and thrive from a 10 year old boy playing little league to a responsible, good-hearted, 22 year old man But fuck me because I didn't produce him myself so it must not break my fucking heart every time I think about it. Right?

Everyone is always so concerned about being politically correct when it comes to what constitutes a family but when it comes to my situation, it seems like the lack of biological children makes the family I'm losing, less. Which is completely unfair to both Rob and I. I'm wrestling with the thought of losing nieces, nephews, a sister and brother in law, a mother.... If it was up to me, we would stay family, there is nothing I would love more but even if I am lucky enough to still be accepted, it will never, ever be the same. So if it seems for one second that my life isn't just as devastated as those who divorce with children and a "real family" by whatever fucked up, bias standards you hold, I'll gladly let you know exactly how wrong you are. Because it seems to me, we have it a lot worse off. We are losing a lot more.

I just want to finish with this, to Rob's family and friends, I love you all. I'm so sorry everything went to shit and I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I will always, ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what. You are my family and once family, always family. If it's all too weird and too soon, I understand. Just please know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you. No expectations of reciprocation, whatever you need, if it is within my means, I will give it to you. I get that things are different now and they will never be the same. It sucks and it breaks my heart. I also want you to know that Rob is always welcome in my family as well. All my friends, are his friends and they will always be his friends. We may be a questionable bunch but we know a good one when we see it and Rob is one of the best.

*rage sob mic drop*

No comments:

Post a Comment