Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Cattin Patrol

My two cattins, which are what I call my teenage kittens because they aren't really kittens anymore but they also haven't taken their final cat form yet, have successfully out assholed the resident asshole, aka da bun named Magnus.

Without the need to even put up a Christmas tree these two fuzzy effers have managed to cause just enough annoying little disturbances to throw our household into utter chaos at any given time. Don't believe me? Here are just a few examples of the end of days currently taking place at mi casa:

Water. All water is their water. Any running water is grounds for them to come Seinfield Kramar sliding into the room where said water is running so they may closely supervise the running water. This including jumping all over the sink while brushing your teeth, washing dishes, washing hands, filling the bath, taking a bath, taking a piss, flushing the toilet, anything water related is their business. Get a glass of water? The second you put it down their heads are in it. Why? Who knows! They have their own water, they get water everyday but that water isn't good enough apparently. Even though it's the same damn water everyone else is drinking.

C.C. has also taken a liking to sitting on the window still while attempting to high five your face while you go to the bathroom. Yes, I've tried to lock them out of the bathroom but they are fast and they will work as a team so at least on of them gets to creepily watch you from an eye level shelf while you use the facilities. They are ruthless.

They are cleptos to the extreme. Once upon a time I owned like 25 hair elastics. I lost about 15 on my own, still giving me 10 to use throughout my week. I used to think it was so cute when they would play with hair ties and throw them up in the air and scoot them around the floor. But soon, my hair tie numbers began to dwindle. Suddenly they became rationed, I found myself hiding them in various drawers and in my purse, I was taking more care in hiding them than I do hiding other things I should probably keep out of sight, like my porn or my drugs. Hell, leave the pile of cocaine out in the open but let me make sure I put this hair tie in the bottom of a vase, on the top shelf in the office with the door closed. Because that's my life now. So the other day I'm in the bathtub, don't worry the water nazi cattins were monitoring me closely while I soaked, and I look over to see Jax has left his post on the side of the tub to investigate the sink. Stupidly I took my hair tie, my last hair tie, out of my hair and left it on the sink. That how to train your dragon toothless look alike mother fucker straight grabs it, turns to me while it's hanging from his mouth, wiggles his eyebrows and runs out the door with it. So I'm yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You golden eyed bastard!!" Not two minutes later this fuck saunters back into the bathroom like, "What, bitch?" and proceeds to claw the shit out of the shower curtain like he bought it. Hair tie was completely gone, nowhere to be found and I was shit out of luck once again.

Here are a couple pictures of the little devils themselves, being all adorable.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Great Expectations

Doesn't it suck when you go to a movie and have all these great expectations for it then it ends up sucking a big one? Yeah, it does. Much like life, we all have ideas of how we'd like something to turn out but some times shit goes a whole different direction leaving us wondered what in the hell we've done. A lot of times it's like super sneaky too. Things will be going well and then one little thing happens where we are like " was weird..." then maybe a while later something else occurs where we think "......ok...a little out of left field but alright.." Then next thing you know you find yourself in the middle of a giant septic tank of human waste wondering how in the fuck you even got there.

I'm here to tell you, it's alright my fecal covered friend, it's alright. You didn't know. It's like those hoarder shows, you didn't mean for it to get out of hand, it just did. Who could have possible know cats reproduced so quickly? And even when the kittens arrived they seems so harmless and cute and fluffy. But then they got bigger and suddenly you find yourself under a fallen stack of old Newsweek magazines, getting your face eaten off by 37 cats. I mean, of course your fatal yet adorable demise was inside the realm of possibility but still very unexpected.

Thankfully you can fix things for yourself. You don't spend your final days as a cat buffet. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and say, "Hey. I may have fucked up a little but will a little adjusting I can make the changes I need to figure this out." You don't have to be sad or upset, things just didn't work out like you thought they would. No need to be super cold hearted and hateful, be grateful for the lessons learned and how the experience helped you evolve into the person you are today. Even if you come out a little more worn, you have the opportunity to work on repairing what you need to and strength will come from that.

In closing, everything happens for a reason, whether you believe in a god or the universe is in control or even just your own mind, everything happens and we grow from it. The shitty days have as much purpose as the good ones.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Control Issues

I'm not a psychologist, even though I play on on tv, but I do feel like I have some insight when it comes to people's behavior because let's face it, I'm a little nuts myself and I feel A LOT. One thing I have noticed in myself and others is when it comes to control, you either have it or you don't. What my biggest issue with control is that when you feel completely lost and out of control, people tend to project a lot. They feel so out of control of their own lives that they make up for it by trying to control everyone around them. This might work for a short while but in the end you'll find people get sick of that shit real fast and you'll eventually lose any respect they once had for you.

I know this because I am terribly, terribly guilty of it. When I lose control of my emotions, I used to take it back through self harm. It gave me that sense of control I so badly needed at that moment. If I can't self harm, I try to control my focus person by any means necessary. It's honestly pretty disgusting. If said focus person is a rock, then I'm completely fucked and I get really defensive because not only can I not control myself but I can't control them either. Eventually I calm down but it's not without it's after effects. I feel shame and embarrassment, I feel like a terrible person because I know that is not the kind of person I want to be. I don't want to be the reason why someone feels shitty about themselves. Why would anyone want to be responsible for bringing someone else down? Why would that perverse power feel good to live with?

The more we tell ourselves we are hot messes and excuse our fucked up out of control behavior, the more we begin to become that person we don't want to be. The crazy thing is, it doesn't take much to regain that control. Like any type of recovery, you have to admit to yourself that you have a problem. This is super hard because it's so much easier to place blame on everyone around you. It doesn't have to be a shameful thing either, it can be a releasing action. Just let all that hurt and pain go. Make a list. What actions make you feel out of control? Then problem solve. What can I do to regain control or prevent myself from feeling out of control?

Self-control doesn't always feel good. I mean the definition of self control is "the ability to subdue our impulses in order to achieve longer-term goals". It's so much easier just to go right to your impulse and do what feels good in the moment but in the long run you just end up in a worse place. For example, I was pissed the other day, got aggressive and broke my hairbrush. My hairbrush doesn't mean very much to me, I can buy a new hairbrush but know what does mean a lot to me? A painting I have had for several years that I had yet to hang in my new house. I have been protective of this painting since the day my mom gifted it to me, I love this painting but in that moment I hated myself. I wanted to hurt myself, so I took the brush handle and threw it at the painting, ripping the canvas. I knew in that moment what I was doing and it absolutely kills me everyday to wake up and see what my lack of self control did. It's a heartbreaking reminder that in a moment of vulnerability I ruined something that means so much to me. Maybe it can be fixed but it will never be the same. Like so many things in life.

Well that was depressing but I needed it. I'm going to work on my own issues and hopefully this might help someone dealing with shit of their own. Love you all my little special snowflakes.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Election Day

Today is the day where we exercise our right to be heard and cast our votes for the next leader of the United States of America, among other offices. I've never been super into politics, mostly because the whole thing is so overwhelming and people are adamant in hammering their opinions on who you should vote for into your head that like many other aspects in my life, it cause me to just shut down in defeat. I can barely make my own important choices throughout the day, it's miraculous that I keep myself alive. It makes me question whether or not I should have a say in how an entire country should be run but then I remember that there are plenty of people much less.... intelligent? of solid breeding? human? than I who are also making this decision, therefore it is my duty to head to the ballot box and become part of the process.

I think the biggest issue with politics is the "yeah but". Everything has two sides and based on opinion these two sides can be extremely differing. Politics, at the end of the day are black white. With a whole lot of gray in between.  Also I've been waiting to use this analogy for awhile and this is a good example:

I really like spring salad. If you don't know what that is then go find some and get back to me. But here is my issue with spring salad, I only like parts of it, the other parts I don't really like that much. So I will go to the store, buy some spring salad, go home and eat the parts I like and throw the rest away. It's wasteful and it doesn't make much since but I really, really like the parts I like. Enough so I am willing to pay for it just to pick through it to get to those parts. I could just bit the bullet and eat all of it but I really don't like those other parts and they leave a bad taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, I will never convince a store to change their entire recipe just to satisfy my specific taste. Not just because it wouldn't make any since but then it wouldn't be spring salad anymore, it would be something entirely different.

This is my stance on politics. Sometimes I don't like things as a whole. There are pieces that I can't stand but on the other hand there are parts that I really do like. Basically I have to dig through to find the parts I do like, that mean the most to me, even if that means having to also deal with all the other shit that I don't like that much.