Monday, October 28, 2013

Whhere Have You Been...all myy liiiiii-eee-iifeee

I haven't posted anything for awhile. The burning question here is "Where the hell have I been?!" Answer: Mostly Facebook stalking people, I dabbled in drinking on the weekends for a few weeks straight and I have definitely not been working out. I'm using this post to break free of this vicious cycle I have been in, every time I think about the fact I have not been posting on my blog I get depressed, then I don't feel like blogging, then I get depressed that I haven't blogged, so on and so forth. I have been reading lately. The perks of working at a library, advanced reader copies, and once a month I turn in an article for a local-ish publication. I do have like 3 or 4 good posts I haven't "published" on here because I get really working on them one day and then forget about it for awhile and by the time I come back I have to change all the wording to past tense because I don't wanna lie to you, 18 people who actually read the things I post, and also because some of the post is no longer relevant. So here are some of the things I learned in the last month or two:

#1 Tailgates aren't that fun. I thought it would be super fun to go tailgate for the big Iowa/Iowa State game but I soon found out that unless you are down with getting really drunk in the day time, tailgating is not for you. There were also a lot of douchey people and rich people. No offense. Not my scene, I'm more of a Honey Boo-Boo type person, minus having my own TV show and add that I have a job I have to act halfway decent while in public to keep. I'm basically reformed white trash, I can hang with the cool kids Monday thru Friday 8:30 to 5:30 but after that I'm just a hot mess. I did meet a couple cool people but then I was forced to experience the wrath of some super bitchy young 20-somethings and I was all "Look at me again, I'll cut you..I've been to prison." Ok I haven't been to prison but I've watched a lot of prison shows and I've driven past one before. I also walked from the tailgate site up to the stadium, full with intention of trying to sneak it because I didn't have tickets. That did not work out for me, I almost got tased by a National Guard guy. And then I got hit on by this college kid, who was so young he didn't realize this ring meant married. Or maybe he did either way, this segues into.....

#2 I am cute and young looking enough to get hit on by a college kid but chubby enough I must have seemed approachable. And to be completely honest, he wasn't anything to look at. It was very awkward for all parties involved. Especially because I just walked away mid-conversation:
Kid-"So ummm...there is this big party going on later,  if you and your friends want to go......"
Me- pause...."That's cool" pause..... *walk away*
Good thing I met husband because the older I get, the more awkward and socially inept I am becoming.

#3 No one wants to buy my crap. I helped my friend with her garage sale, took some stuff over and only made $16. From now on I am going to start marketing my crap as belonging to famous people. "This wire media shelf was once used by Tom Cruise to hold all his L.Ron Hubbard DVDs!"

#4 It doesn't take much to irritate me anymore. There have been several times I have wanted to walk out of work in the last month or so. I also am beginning to have a immense dislike for high school and college students. They are such know it alls who think they are the only ones who understand what is going on in the world. BAH. I think I realize I am getting old. I can't wait for them to find out what the real world is like. Someday they will have to swallow their pride work for bitter, old people like myself. And the world will be right again...yesss.

#5 Snapchat is a dangerous, dangerous social media. Everything starts off nice and cute, then you get a little bored, start sending funny drawings and pretty soon you find yourself taking pictures of things that are completely inappropriate and somewhat appalling. Thankfully for my friends, I have yet to send any of these and I somehow manage a little self control. Snapchats also require the use of my forward facing camera, or as I like to call it the most unflattering view finder EVER. I am no fancy phone photographer, I don't really know how to hold the camera, so most of my pics look like blurry zombies....Please, no screenshots.

So that's a tiny bit of what I have been up to. Hopefully I can start writing more on here. That would be cool.