Sunday, October 28, 2012

40 hours

So this week I am officially moving from part time to full time at my workies. YAY! Obviously I am super excited to be a full time employee because of all the perks I will get but I have to admit there are a couple things I will miss about being part time. So I decided to make a pros and cons list to share with you, the world (all 30 of you who read this) my dilemma. Here we go!

1. Mo' money, mo' problems- At least this is what I am told. I don't know what kind of truth is behind this but I will keep everyone updated.

2. Health Insurance. YAY! I am already covered on the husband's plan but mine will be better and I don't have to pay a dime for it. Plus once I am off Rob's plan his payment will go down. TRIPLE SCORE!

3. Pants and working 8-hour Mondays and Tuesdays. These two kinda go together. This is why.
I have 4-5 pairs of work pants I wear to work each week and then my jeans on Fridays or Saturdays. My pants have time limits on them. Two pairs of them I can handle wearing for 8+ hours, others max out at about 5 hours. As a part time worker, I would usually work Monday night for 3 hours and Tuesday night for 4 hours. So on those days I wear my 5-hr pants and believe me when I get home those suckers come off immediately. Once I start working 8 hours on these days I'm going to run into a bit of a wardrobe predicament. Well here, let's break this down, math word problem style:

Rachel works 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. She only has two pairs of 8-hr pants. Rachel only does laundry once a week, on Sunday and is unwilling to change that.
 How many days will Rachel work before she ends up taking off her pants at work?
Answer: Not enough
The other con about working on Monday and Tuesday is those are the days I usually lay around the house and watch my shows. Right now I am obsessed with Heroes. But I guess since I won't be sitting around eating all day, per usual, I will lose about 600 pounds. So I guess that's alright.

4.I'll only have to work one night a week, Monday night which is a plus. Not only will I get to sleep in on Monday morning since I won't have to be at work until 11 but I won't have to work on Tuesday nights anymore which is great.

5. I will be working more and spending more "quality" time with my co-workers. I'm not saying I dislike my co-workers, it's just that sometimes when you work with people all day long, little things annoy you and you want to bash your head into a wall.

6. And finally, new responsibilities. Now this one may fall on either side of the pro/con list but in my case it is definitely in the pro column. Part of my new full time position is going to be marketing, the occasional press release, advertisement, that kind of stuff. Easy. I'll also be working on our website, possibly a staff blog and our Facebook page. So yeah, I'll get to sit around on the computer on Facebook. AWESOME! Ok, I am really going to take it seriously and make our library's online crap super cool. I hope.

Well that's all for now. As with many post I will end this one abruptly.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Rantin' and Ravin': Facebook Status Updates

This is something all too common, in fact if you have a Facebook account and were to check it right now you'd probably see one of these somewhere. It's those status updates that are clearly posted just to get attention. OBVIOUSLY all facebook statuses are posted to get attention, I'm talking about the ones that are like "I thought I was doing something right, you've proved that isn't true." or "I just want to lay down and cry but thanks to you I ran out of tears." or "OMG OMG OMG OMG...." That passive aggressive, vague bullshit. I'm not going to lie, I get on Facebook because I get bored in my regular life and like to get into errrrbody elses business. But when you post stupid shit like that it means I have to spend the next three days monitoring your Got-damn page to see what the hell you are crying about so I can make fun of you in the privacy of my own home, alone, because unlike you I don't have a dramatic enough social life. It's probably because I only have 2 friends. And yeah, maybe I am more pathetic than you but the fact that your dumb status updates are sometimes the HIGHLIGHT of my DAY is an excellent reason why you should post better statuses about your f-ed up life! And when people actually give you the attention you oh so crave and you either don't reply or say "I don't want to talk about it" makes me want to find you and feed you to mild mannered piranhas.
Remember back in school when you did they Who, What, When, Where, Why, How writing stuff? Facebook status updates should stick to that template. Seriously, look how much more informative the status becomes when everything is explained.

Old Way:

Creeper Rachel
I feel so cold and empty. Every time I try to do anything for myself everything falls apart around me. The worst part is, I don't know if it's someone else's fault or if I only have myself to blame.......

Like      Comment      Share       5 mins ago

Non-Facebook Savvy Older Relative likes this
Confused Rob Husband What's wrong?!
Concerned Co-Worker Everything alright? Call me if you want to talk!
Well-Meaning Friend of Mother Don't worry hun everything will turn out ok! *Hugz*

Best Friend Lynsey Quit being a little beotch...

New Way:

Creeper Rachel

Who: Myself
What: I'm Pissed
When: All Day
Where: At Home

Why: Lost my favorite pair of seagull underoos
How: Either stolen or I left them in the Walmart cereal aisle when I was picking out my breakfast.

                    Like      Comment      Share         5 mins ago

EVERYONE likes this.

See what I did there? Isn't that like 1000 times better? Isn't that easier than trying to decipher some cryptic Facebook status code? And look! EVERYONE likes this!! Amazing! I admit I have probably posted some of these terrible and annoying open ended statuses once or twice. I have friends and relatives who do this, to them I say, do you bitches! But have the courtesy to drop me a quick message so I know what your crying about. I probably won't reply but it will keep me from spreading horribly incorrect rumors about you. If you aren't willing to do that then you have no reason to post that shit. If your updates persist, I'm just going to start leaving really stupid, inconsiderate comments on your status and then if you ever confront me I'll be like "Aww yeah. I was hacked......Oh you read my blog...AWKWAAARDDDD!!" And slowly Frankenstein walk away. RAWR!

The End....for now...I guess

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Bad Workplace Conduct

Sometimes when you work at a place long enough, the line between appropriate and not appropriate behavior becomes a little skewed. I'm assuming for some people that's the point where shit hits the fan and they start harassing their secretaries and stealing copy machines. Inexcusable! Ok, I can't say that I'm always in line but I can at least pull it back in before I get into too much trouble. Every day conduct isn't really my issue; it seems like staff meetings is where things get a little out of hand. It must be sitting in a room with a group of people that aren't allowed to leave, I just can't keep my mouth shut.  I have seriously had to chant "Don't comment, just sit there"over and over again to try to keep myself from being a sarcastic ass during staff meetings. I think it has worked one time.

The worse thing is I'm proud of the dumb quips I make, once again, I think I am hilarious. That has to be the best symptom a narcissist can have, I make myself laugh. People think I'm crazy, I just walk around chortling to myself all day. I work with a lady and sometimes when I talk about how cool something I made or did is, she likes to comeback with "And so modest!" What do I have to be modest about? It's pretty obvious how great I am why would I try to convince anyone I'm not? That would be like self bullying or something. It's not like I just walk around constantly saying I'm awesome and I'm never rude about but if I make some thing super cool for work I'm going to show it off. Plus I'm fat, so even if I wanted to walk around constantly saying I'm awesome, I can get away with that shit. Half of the people would just look me up and down, turn to their friend and say "She's a little chubby, just let her have her moment in the sun." The other half would think I just have really low self-esteem and am being ironic, like one of those emo hipsters. So me being overly confident at times isn't hurting anyone.

Anyways, back to the staff meetings. It took me about 3 years before I really started coming out of my shell, it was kind of a slow drip and then one day it was like someone pull the string of one of those New Year's paper confetti bombs. Rachel glitter just flew everywhere. My very favorite staff meeting conversation was earlier this summer. We were talking about a patron who gave us a hard time about something and is just a really arrogant and condescending guy all the time. So the discussion begins to waver off him to men in general who feel women are inferior and should be submissive to the man. DOT... DOT ..... *EYE TWITCH*GRUNT*DOT So then someone comments they could never be married to someone like that. So then I reply "Right! I don't know how that Jacey Duggard put up with that guy she was with for so long!"

I know, I am Satan. It's word vomit, I couldn't stop it from coming out.

The moans of disapproval that came from my co-workers was almost deafening. So then I open my big mouth again and say "Oh what? Too soon? HAR HAR HAR HAR"
One person didn't know what I was talking about, perhaps they live under a rock, so someone kindly explained that Jacey Duggard was the girl who was kidnapped and held captive in a backyard shanty for 18 years. Then they groaned too. You may wonder why this was my favorite staff meeting, I'll tell you!
Number 1. I always felt disapproving tension in previous staff meetings when I would make dumb (yet much less off color) remarks, at least this time there was actual vocal accompaniment. A moan or a boo is always a better reaction than silence.
Number 2. I have never gone that far since then and now most my jesting comments are met with a chuckle. I've given myself a measurable low so anything above that is considered funny now.

Inappropriate jokes aren't the only thing I am guilty of while at work. There is one other thing. Each summer a little show called Big Brother premieres and I go a little cray-cray. I start getting really sneaky, whispering to people random things, things that aren't even secrets, like "PSSSSSS...I was walking by that table over there....... and this book...... was sitting on it." **head tilt, smug look, raised eyebrows** I join several alliances that only exist in my own mind, play competitions for imaginary vetos and sometimes I lock myself in the breakroom and pretend it's the HOH room. One time I even burnt a co-worker's face with a cigarette during my Evil Dick stage.

So I get a little carried away sometimes. Who can blame me for trying to make my work day a little more exciting? When I got there, that library was full of books and silence. Someone had to do something.

K, bye.