Friday, May 9, 2014

Fake Fancy Pants and Real Designer Bags

What is this strange place...oh yeah. It's my blog I have completely forgotten about. Why hello! Does anyone still read this?
I recently returned from a week long trip to California, the state of the Gods. It is the most wonderful place on Earth. I thought Florida was my favorite but California is really a top notch state, I highly recommend going there. Anyways for any of this post to make sense I need to start with this sentence: I am not a fancy bitch.

As I drove to work the other day, in my shiny white, new-ish SUV (The Limited) wearing a white blazer with rolled up sleeves (because Miami Vice, duh) with my new overly large Coach bag in the passenger seat next to me, the faint remnants of grade A cocaine on my nose, I thought to myself the words spoken by the great Canadian, Degrassi Alum Drake "You Fancy, huh?"

No Drake, actually I am not fancy. It's true my vehicle is pretty badass but it's just a Ford. My dressy blazer was on clearance because they used it on a mannequin and it had pinholes in the back. The Coach bag was on deep clearance from an factory outlet in California. The cocaine, actually powdered sugar because I'm a fat kid. I literally ate a handful M&M's for dinner once this week. Moral of the story, it's doesn't take much to look fancy. I couldn't help but wonder while I was driving what the hell I was doing, this isn't me. I'm not one of those people who finds solace in brand names. I'm the girl who wore a hoodie to high school, every. single. day. I'm the girl who didn't know how to use a makeup brush until age 23, I'm the loud, trash mouth girl who randomly isn't wearing pants for some reason.

So what exactly am I trying to do? Simply get approval, approval from people I don't know, approval from people who 10 years ago I couldn't give a shit less about what they think of me. But for some reason this is important to me now. And I don't like it. I feel like a fraud, I feel like I'm trying to prove I'm better than other people, like I want people to be envious of what I have. Maybe I am, I don't really know anymore. It's so easy to get caught up in what you should be that eventually the real you starts to fade away. It's hard, so much of our lives are influenced by our surroundings but what if that is all we are? Just a modge podge of other people's expectations?  A frappuccino of things we hear and see everyday.

Jesus, that went way deeper and in a totally different direction than I thought it was going to go. I'm just going to stop there before I get any more emo. Moral of the story is: Be yourself, it's actually a lot harder than it seems. Find something that reminds you of who you truly are and never let it go.

Bye kittens.