Saturday, April 16, 2016

Decisions, Decisions

Life is effing hard sometimes. Actually it's not if it's just yourself you have to think about but once you throw in friends, family, spouses, kids, shit starts getting complicated. Suddenly the decisions you make start affecting more than just yourself. Even little things like breakfast. Maybe you just want to sleep in and skip breakfast but then you remember you have 14 kids to feed. Or it's payday and you feel like having a peaceful weekend, maybe blow your paycheck on hookers and cocaine. But you can't because your dog recently went on a self discovery retreat outside of Mesa, AZ and now wants species reassignment surgery. Once you involve others in your life, all those little things you once could do with reckless abandon take a lot more consideration.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing, you get to share your life with some great people and even though there are struggles, there are also a lot of good things too. Someday those 14 kids will split the cost and you'll end up in a nicer nursing home. I mean, they still probably won't visit but at least the food is good and the sheets are 1200 thread count Egyptian Cotton. Sure, you didn't get to spend your weekends going all Charlie Sheen but then again, look where he ended up. I mean any situation where you don't end up with HIV seems like a win. And at least your dog..err..tiny giraffe finally has a sense of true identity and stopped shitting in your shoes.

Sometimes it's super hard for me to remember that what I do affects so many other people in my life. Maybe I'm just really selfish or inconsiderate or maybe I have some kind of parasitic worm slowly eating whatever part of my brain is supposed to make me realize that. I'm impulsive, a little reckless at times and if something makes me feel good or happy, in that moment I lose sight of the consequences. Or I think to myself, 'Well idiot. You've already effed shit up, might as well go for the gold, you piece of garbage.' Just to clarify, I am not talking about like heroin or anything.

It's that horrible, horrible saying: Sometimes it's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Which I guess in some instances, it might make sense but usually if it involves other people, not a super cool thing to do. Because although most people do eventually forgive, they don't always forget. Or worst case scenario, the person you plan on pleading to for forgiveness is fed up with your shit and is gone before you can drop to your knees and start beggin'. And chances are that's not going to make you very happy. Or maybe it will. I'm not a psychologist so I don't really know all the science behind happiness in correlation to the choices we make, so definitely don't listen to me.

The fact remains the same, life is effing hard. And short. Sometimes you aren't always able to do the things that make you happy but that's just the way life goes, like stay in bed and Netflix all day. And sometimes you have to make tough choices. You have to be able to weigh the options with as much honesty and level-headedness that you can muster and seriously consider if it's worth it or not......One thing I absolutely an unable to do, so have fun with all the adult shit, I'll be over here ignoring my problems and crying on the inside for eternity.

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