Monday, November 26, 2012

My House is a Hot Mess. And by "my house", I mean me.

My house is a disasquatch. That means it's a disaster of Sasquatch proportion. Which sucks because I printed and laminated myself some sweet daily chore lists because I'm about as responsible and trustworthy as a 10 year old when it comes to getting anything done around the house. (If anyone asked, I did NOT do this at work, I have my own giant expensive laminator at home) Well that was like 3 weeks ago  months ago now and they are still sitting on the kitchen counter...somewhere.
I don't understand how some people can keep their house so nice and neat, seriously where do they keep all their stuff? The only explanation I have is they must have a second house somewhere that looks like hell. I have so much crap, so so so much crap but I can't bring myself to throw it away. Because it's not really crap, I just call everything crap. It can be something really nice but I call it crap, it's my overall definition for anything in the world that isn't living. Mostly my crap consists of books I'll never read, pictures I'll never hang and lots and lots of things people have given me over the years that I don't need or want but can't get rid of.
For instance, last week my mission was to make Magnus the warrior bunny a better litter box, one that he can't kick poop and litter everywhere. Basically, it's like a cat litter box with some kind of grating inside of it, 2-3 inches off the bottom, yada yada yada, look it up if you want to know more. Regardless it looks like a better litter box than I have now, plus higher sides=less poop grenades. Well they were all out of cat litter boxes at the walmarts so I got like a plastic thing out of the dish washing area but couldn't find anything for the wire grating. I checked two of the dollar stores on my way home, everything was either too sharp or the spaces too wide and Mags' foot would get caught. Then after work the following day, I went and walked around Target, found nothing. Are you asking yourself what the hell this has to do with the first paragraph? Well here is the thing, I have exactly what I need sitting in my garage, it's one of those shitty wire rabbit cages you see on farms oe 4H shows. My mom saw our old neighbors putting it out on the curb for junk days, (Pre-Magnus) knew I had been talking about getting a bunny and grabbed it for me. I was like YES! but then I read about how bunnies get really bad sores on their feet, sore hocks, from those types of cages so I never used it. So why don't I just cut off a piece and use it? Because I am irrational. Here is the actual conversation I had with myself on the way home from Target tonight.

Brain:Why don't you just use a piece of the cage in the garage?
Irrational Self: Because I might need that someday
Brain: When are you ever going to use it? You were going to throw it out the other day!
I.S.: Yeah but I didn't because I might need it someday.
Brain: For what?!
I.S.: Well, if I find a critter I need to help!
Brain: You can use Mags's to-go carrier
I.S.: What if I find two critters?!
Brain: Use the other cage in the basement
I.S.: BUT what if  I find THREE critters!

It was a really awkward drive the rest of the way home.

Whenever I try to clean, it's an emotional rollercoaster.

At first, I'm happy and excited and usually hopped up on coffee and diet pills. (Happy!)

Soon I start finding things I want to get rid of but then I think about who gave me that piece of crap and then I start thinking, that person who gave me that piece of crap is going to die someday! And I'll never see them again. (Sad)

Oh my god, I'm going to die someday! Has my life been all that I want it to be? There are so many things I never got to do! I can't die! Who will take care of Rob, Rolo, Bella and Maggie? (Depressed)


Crying, crying, crying *Call Me Maybe comes on* ....this song is...... AWESSOOMMMEEE!! *Dance moves, dance moves* Welp I'm feeling better (Happy again)

I'm going to make a cleaning playlist!! (Super Pumped)

*Two hours later*
I'm gonna blog about dumb shit! ( YAY! Mode)

*Five hours later*
oh my god. this place is a mess. I got nothing freaking done today! I'm SO PISSED! (Anger and self hatred)

I have noticed the one thing that will get me to clean, is when my mom stops by and tries to help. Not because I have the extra help but because I get so terrifustrated, terrified/frustrated, when she starts to clean. Nothing gets put away in the right spot, the dish-a-washer gets overfilled and things that should NOT be in the dishwasher (like the Chicago Cutlery) and my mother has this weird condition were she feels the overwhelming need to move things around the house. Oh no, not just like my silverware, cups or crap like that, one day she actual rearranged my entire living room, within like 4 minutes. I seriously went in the other room to put something away, came out and everything was different. Which was super annoying because I had JUST rearranged everything the day before, according the the diagram I had been drawing out for two weeks.

I'm also a procrastinator, as a matter of fact I started writing this post literally 2+ months ago and am just FINALLY posting it!


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