Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Cattin Patrol

My two cattins, which are what I call my teenage kittens because they aren't really kittens anymore but they also haven't taken their final cat form yet, have successfully out assholed the resident asshole, aka da bun named Magnus.

Without the need to even put up a Christmas tree these two fuzzy effers have managed to cause just enough annoying little disturbances to throw our household into utter chaos at any given time. Don't believe me? Here are just a few examples of the end of days currently taking place at mi casa:

Water. All water is their water. Any running water is grounds for them to come Seinfield Kramar sliding into the room where said water is running so they may closely supervise the running water. This including jumping all over the sink while brushing your teeth, washing dishes, washing hands, filling the bath, taking a bath, taking a piss, flushing the toilet, anything water related is their business. Get a glass of water? The second you put it down their heads are in it. Why? Who knows! They have their own water, they get water everyday but that water isn't good enough apparently. Even though it's the same damn water everyone else is drinking.

C.C. has also taken a liking to sitting on the window still while attempting to high five your face while you go to the bathroom. Yes, I've tried to lock them out of the bathroom but they are fast and they will work as a team so at least on of them gets to creepily watch you from an eye level shelf while you use the facilities. They are ruthless.

They are cleptos to the extreme. Once upon a time I owned like 25 hair elastics. I lost about 15 on my own, still giving me 10 to use throughout my week. I used to think it was so cute when they would play with hair ties and throw them up in the air and scoot them around the floor. But soon, my hair tie numbers began to dwindle. Suddenly they became rationed, I found myself hiding them in various drawers and in my purse, I was taking more care in hiding them than I do hiding other things I should probably keep out of sight, like my porn or my drugs. Hell, leave the pile of cocaine out in the open but let me make sure I put this hair tie in the bottom of a vase, on the top shelf in the office with the door closed. Because that's my life now. So the other day I'm in the bathtub, don't worry the water nazi cattins were monitoring me closely while I soaked, and I look over to see Jax has left his post on the side of the tub to investigate the sink. Stupidly I took my hair tie, my last hair tie, out of my hair and left it on the sink. That how to train your dragon toothless look alike mother fucker straight grabs it, turns to me while it's hanging from his mouth, wiggles his eyebrows and runs out the door with it. So I'm yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You golden eyed bastard!!" Not two minutes later this fuck saunters back into the bathroom like, "What, bitch?" and proceeds to claw the shit out of the shower curtain like he bought it. Hair tie was completely gone, nowhere to be found and I was shit out of luck once again.

Here are a couple pictures of the little devils themselves, being all adorable.

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