Psychoanalyzationatorism

First of all, I feel like one of you mother fuckers have just been clicking my links a lot to make me feel good. It's hard for me to believe 90 people read my last blog post. Or I'm getting good at making all my titles click bait. Anyways.....

Anyone who knows me will tell you I've always been interested in psychology. Unless I never told them, as you can tell by the way I write my blog I am an extremely private person... Well lately my love for psychology and my extraordinary amount of therapy has combined into one super annoying hairball of psychoanalyzing. When I used to get into arguments, I would go off on some ridiculous tangent, wave my arms around and yell a lot about random government officials trying to rule my uterus and how I have faced persecution my entire life from the Free Masons or some shit. That has drastically changed to the other end of the spectrum, for the most part. I still get loud and talk with my hands like a stereotyped cartoon of a pissed off Italian but instead of ridiculous conspiracies, I use my psycho-knowledge to just tell everyone how the *actual* feel about things.

It's seriously a whole lot of, "Listen, I know you're mad right now and I understand why you would feel that way. But I have a pretty good feeling that all this anger you're projecting is just how you channel your feelings. I think it would really help if you try and be mindful of the real emotion behind that anger, which is hurt. It's ok to feel hurt! You were raised being told you had to be tough and not cry but that's not the case at all! If you allow yourself to feel that hurt and really try to understand where that hurt is coming from, you will be able to recognize that it doesn't have to define you. You are not weak for feeling hurt, you are only human. And that's just fine!"

Followed by a blank stare and, "BITCH! I AM MAD! I'M MAD AS HELL. YOU ATE ALL MY ICE CREAM SAMMICHS AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO SAY ANYTHING. WE WERE LITERALLY JUST AT THE STORE! NOT ONLY THAT BUT WHEN WE WERE IN THE STORE I SPECIFICALLY SAID TO YOU, 'DAMN.. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME AND EAT AN ICE CREAM SAMMICH.' AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ONCE TO MENTION THAT YOU ATE THEM ALL?!"

To which I respond, "Hmmm...I think I know what's going on here. In this scenario, the ice cream bar is your mother and you are seeing me as your father, taking away the one who provides for you. The ice cream is significant here as it represents the breast milk that you suckled from your mother's teat. This seem like a very clear example of how the Oedipus complex develops in childhood and permeates throughout ones life! Fascinating! Don't you find that fascinating?!"

To which they reply, "Fuck you, you're a fucking monster...."

So yeah, I'm basically a psychologist now. If you ever want to talk about your feelings, let me know and I can tell you what's actually going on in that amazingly beautiful brain of yours.