Friday, October 30, 2015

Stolen Office Supplies

It's the day before Halloween and my blog is getting a bunch of hits from Pinterest again. To keep with my creative streak, I present all the shit I have told my co-workers I stole from work and what I did with it:

1. Hundreds of gallons of water from the water cooler to fill my exotic koi fish pond.
2. All the white-out and I used it to paint my house. When they asked how the white-out doesn't wash off in the rain..
3. Rolls and rolls of book tape that I used to shittily laminate my entire house. It's kind of like thicker clear packing tape but it says book tape so it's more expensive.
4. Black sharpies. For touching up the black shutters on my house. Not for butt stuff, you perv.
5. Toilet paper. This one is for butt stuff.
6. One year we had a bunch of DVDs stolen from their cases. I told them it was me and I have an expansive collection if anyone ever wants to come over and "Stolen dvd and chill". Wink wink.
7. Lots and lots of paperclips. I melted them down and made them into new gutters.
8. Binder clips. They hold up my shower curtain.

Lately I've been hoarding rubber bands, I'm planning on weaving them together and making a trampoline.

Anytime something goes missing, I claim to have stolen it. In retrospect this is probably a really stupid idea but whatever. If people take me seriously, that's their issue. And if I get framed for theft by a rouge co-worker and go to prison, that's between me, the state and my new prison wife, Big Deborah.

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