Major Events

Yes, I'm slacking on the posting but I have a legitimate reason. I've decided to quit my job, sell my belongings and move out to LA to follow my dreams of being an actor. I'm leaving my friends and family in hopes to become a star. Do I feel bad? A little but I've decided that I can't live my life for everyone around me anymore, I have to live it for me. You one get one life and sometimes you have to make hard decisions.  It's time for me to be selfish and just do it........

is what I would say if I ever decided to do that. I'm not 100% on the wording but that's what I've been busy doing. Making up fake speeches in case I ever have to make a major announcement in my life. Here is another one:

Ahem, excuse me everyone I have an announcement. After much consideration and self reflection, I have decided to join the Church of Scientology. My very good friend, John Travolta has committed his time to helping me in my conversion. I am excited to be working under world-renowned Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker in their ongoing endeavor to finally prove that...what? What do you mean that's not what Scientology is...It's what?! That doesn't even make any sense. L. Ron who? Oh yeah that sci-fi author..The leader?! What do you mean "leader", like department head? Well yeah, I mean I thought the church part seemed a little weird but....Oh shit. Ok...yeah..yeah I didn't know that at all. This was a mistake. I was thinking it was something completely different. Ok, I need a minute to figure some shit out....

Then there is my retirement speech:

Thank you all for being here today, I am truly honored and grateful. If you would have told me 103 years ago when I first started at the library that someday I would be owing my great success to my Persian Mechacat boss after a simple mistake in a lab caused millions of tainted vials of cat vaccines to be shipped and administered to millions of felines all over the world, causing them to quickly evolve into hyper intelligent beings who then took control of all the major financial markets, ceasing economic struggle, creating jobs and masterfully overseeing this globalized, yet surprisingly well functioning, ultra safe world of ours, I would have laughed and said, "Without thumbs?!" and you would have replied, "No, the whole evolution thing gave them thumbs.." which I would retort, "Oh duh. Sorry. I am really, REALLY hungover this morning." Which is why I'd like to dedicate this toast to you, Doctor Maurice Fluffybottom. Your understanding, compassion and strong work ethic has always encouraged me to do my best. You have never hesitated to roll up your tiny, cat sleeves and jump in when we needed help. You have been a champion for the human and feline right to information and intellectual freedoms across the territory. You are truly a gentlecat and a scholar...

I also started writing one

I GUESS IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME EATING THE REST OF YOUR PIZZA, YOU SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN YOUR NAME ON IT OR UH I DON'T KNOW, JUST FREAKING TOLD ME. SO DON'T JUMP DOWN MY THROAT THE SECOND I WALK IN FROM WORKING ALL DAY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO LEAVE A NOTE OR MENTION THAT YOU WERE PLANNING ON EATING THAT ONE LAST PIECE OF PIZZA THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE FRIDGE FOR THREE DAYS. ALSO WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT, I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN USING MY SHAMPOO. DON'T TRY AND DENY IT. OH REALLY?! FINE, COME HERE LET ME SMELL YOUR HAIR THEN. NO, PROVE ME WRONG, COME HERE AND.LET.ME.SMELL.YOUR.HAIR. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE?!


I'm not sure in what context I'll use that one for. Maybe like a birthday party or something. So yeah, as you can see, I've been pretty busy with that so not a lot of time for blogging. Hopefully I'll get back into a normal routine here soon.