Friday, June 20, 2014

Church Camp

The other night I watched a documentary called "Jesus Camp" about an insanely intense Christian summer camp where children are taught they can pray in tongues, should protest abortion and many other very conservative values. As I watched this, slightly horrified, I reminisced back to when I went to summer church camp. Specifically the last year I went to church camp. Let me tell you a story.....

The year was... I don't remember but I think I was about 13. For the sake of this not sounded completely terribly, let's say I was definitely 13 maybe almost 14. I was also very mature for my age, both mentally (I was told) and physically. So keep that in mind.

13 years old and getting ready to head off to camp. Due to travel plans, my father who usually did the dropping off at camp, was unable to take me this year so my very wonderful aunt graciously drove me the 3 or 4 hours to visit my uncle near where the camp was. Also due to scheduling, my father had called ahead and gotten the OK from the person in charge (I'm assuming Jesus) that I could be dropped off the day before camp started. All the older teen counselors were there getting the place ready so I would be supervised for the 12 extra hours. So I get dropped off, they introduce me to the 4 or so counselors there and I tag along with them as they are getting things ready for all the campers who would be arriving the next day. One of the counselors is this very cute, blonde, tan guy who I followed around like a puppy, all day. What can I say, I did and always will love them menfolk. I flirted heavily with this poor guy, at least I tried. I helped pull crap out of the barn, we got all sweaty, he took his shirt off, we all went swimming (there was a lot of splashing and grabbing) and the regular adolescence teasing and flirting.

The next day, my fellow campers arrived. We were all in our early teens, and there was between 8-10 of us. 4 or 5 girls, 4 or 5 guys. Thanks to the luck of the draw and also the fact my I was semi well endowed at this stage and my swimsuit was slightly too small, making it a smidgen too low cut for what would be considered appropriate church camp attire, I quickly became the popular girl in our little group. Not with the girls, of course, but those boys sure were friendly. One boy specifically, was very friendly, you could almost say he was my "camp boyfriend". We would always sit next to each other and hold hands. Aww. So between the hot counselor and the bf, I was having the best week of my life. Like I have said before, I never got much attention of guys back home but due to the lack of other females and the oppressive nature that is church camp, I was the shiiiit.

Being the bad girl I was, I would make it my mission to sneak into the boy's cabin. For whatever reason, our "cabins" were actually treehouses or built on stilts up in the air or something. So to sneak over I would have to scale down the ladder out of our cabin, run over to the boys tree, climb the ladder and jump in the cabin while the counselors were off doing whatever. Usually using the bathroom or rounding up the rest of the campers, trying to herd us into our cabins. I usually made it up and got kicked out right away because I am not tricky at all. Except once. Like I had done the previous nights, I snuck over and this time instead of standing in the middle of the cabin or sitting on the floor, I ran and jumped into the cot of the my camp bf. The counselor came up, it was dark, "didn't notice" (hard to believe) and we thought it was hilarious. Then it hit literally. Then IT hit me. Right in the back. It took me a second to realize what it was but suddenly I knew. It was a erect penis. It was incredibly awkward yet strangely confidence boosting, at the time I didn't know even a slight breeze could cause a teenage boy to stand at full attention. I promptly stood up, apologized to the counselor, turned and gave a head nod to the boys in the cabin and said good night. Thinking back, I'm sure I wiggled my little teenage ass right in there to "get comfortable". It's still my signature move to this day.

So that is the story of my last year at church camp and first boner to the back. I was touched by more then the Holy Spirit that summer. You're welcome.

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