Thursday, February 21, 2013

Insignificant yet life altering traumas: High School Edition!

I wasn't fat in high school. However I was tall and had a more mature body than some of the other girls. I had hips, I had boobs, I had thighs and yes I was bigger than many girls but I wasn't FAT.  I know that now because I am fat. Obviously there were other girls at my school that were bigger than me so I wish I could say it was all in my head but unfortunately high school is high school which brings us to...... Insignificant yet life altering traumas: High School Edition!
Me as a sophomore and my younger sister at our father's wedding.
I had many, many, many, many, many, many insignificant yet life altering traumas in high school but this one stood out for rudeness.
It was either my freshman or sophomore year in high school and I was taking a drama class. I think it was one of the first days of class when the teacher went around the room and ask everyone to say why they were taking this class. Most of the class answered because it sounds fun or interesting or it was easy. When it was my turn I confidently stated "I want to be an actress. I've been looking at modeling/acting agencies in Chicago. I want to go to NYU Tisch School of the Arts. " Which at the time, this all seemed like a possibility for my future. I had gotten brochures, looked up agencies online, theater camps, workshops, all sorts of stuff. So I reveal my dream to the class just to be met with a snarky "PPPSSSSHH. Well, you're gonna hafta lose weight if you think you're gonna be a model!" from some upper class man girl behind me. So I looked at her and replied "I never said I was going to be a model..."
"Yes you did!"
"No..I didn't. I said actress."
"You said model!"
I don't remember what came next, since it was such a low blow I very well could have just sat down in shock but more likely there was probably swearing involved. Either way it went, I've never forgotten the girl or the comment. Especially because neither her or her friend sitting right next to her laughing were really skinny themselves, which made it even more traumatizing.
This wasn't the first time my weight was an issue for me. I remember in 7th grade, I had just moved to a new town and in my English class we had to write in a journal every week or whatever for the teacher to read, just telling her about ourselves or what was going on in our life at the time. One day I decided to write about how I was going to go on a diet. I remember writing that I had told my mom I wanted to go on a diet and she told me that I looked fine and once I got to high school I would be "A knock out". I didn't agree and thought that I needed to lose some weight. My teacher did the good teacher thing and in response wrote something like "You are fine just the way you are! Plus you are on the light side of medium anyways. you don't need to lose weight." Which I appreciated but maybe they should have thought twice about the swimsuits we were given to wear for gym being color classified by size. As the sizes got bigger, the color of the suit got darker. I was in a dark navy, one or two steps down from black, which was the largest and a skirted suit. Who decided that was a good idea for a middle school?!?! Sure I look hot in my swimdress NOW but putting a middle school girl in that shit could cause some serious emotional damage. Better question, why did we have communal swimsuits?!
Now that I'm grown, I look back and realize how ridiculous I was. Sadly even with a support system telling me I was fine just the way I was, 100 compliments are quickly forgotten when an insult is thrown your way. It's upsetting to think my future children will feel that way someday and there isn't anything Rob or I will be able to say or do to convince them otherwise. Hopefully they will have the sense to not let people's stupid opinions bring them down. Parenting seems like it's going to be super hard.  Honestly if I can raise at least one kid who doesn't turn out to be serial killer, I would totally be cool with that. That sounds like successful parenting to me!
The moral of the story is - enjoy your teen years you pretty, skinny little bitches. Because one day you'll find yourself going from "I would kill myself if I weighed 200 pounds" (true statement I once made in high school) to shuffling around the house in sweatpants and a t-shirt muttering "I would kill someone if it would get me down to 200 lbs! I'd also kill someone for a Twinkie. ROB! Do you know where I put those cloud cakes??? God damn Hostess going out of business. You know, I didn't even like this shit until it was gone."

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