So I am having some wiring issues with my vehicle, the most prevalent problem being I have no rear right turn signal. Which is a big deal to me because I make 3 right turns on my way to work and 3 right turns on the way home and I merge a couple times too. And I feel like a complete asshole for not being able to signal when I'm turning. I haven't had time to take it in to the shop and I don't really want to because I'm pretty sure I have an idea what the problem is and how to fix it but the bulb socket I need is like $50 and has to be special ordered. And I'm a cheap beotch. But it is seriously affecting (effecting? I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR GRAMMER) my mental health, I feel TERRIBLE not giving my fellow automobile operators a warning of my upcoming turn. Out of all the driving whatevers, no turn signal gets to me. Unless I'm in a bad mood then everything gets to me but on just a normal, driving to the store day, I'm pretty relaxed. Unless someone busts a turn with no signal.
Reaction list:
Slow driver, because they are old or super cautious: Cool, more time to get where I'm going, more time to SIINNGGG!!!
Slow driver because their car is a P.O.S : GO LITTLE CAR, GO! I BELIEVE IN YOUUU!!
Tailgater: I don't really look in the rear view mirror so I don't notice if someone is following me too closely
Not knowing when to go at a 4-way stop:Yeah. That's usually me sooo....
Letting people out of a parking lot: This has a specific protocol to it, if you don't know it or don't abide by it you're a freaking idiot but I ain't mad at cha.
Pulling out in front of me like a bat out of hell: Woah woah WOAH! They must really have to poop.
Cell phone while driving: Look at this bitch texting, she is going to kill herself or somebody else. I'm getting on Facebook right now to talk shit about her.
Not moving when a light turns green/waiting for the stop light to turn green: It's cool, I've done that before. Life is full of distractions. No biggie.
People giving me dirty looks or calling me names because I did something wrong and I know I did something wrong : *Make the My Bad! face. Timid Wave* SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!!!!
People not using their turn signals, including the driver of the car I'm in : REALLY?! REALLY?!!? IT'S CALLED A BLINKER MOTHER F*CKER! ARE YOU THAT LAZY AND STUPID YOU CAN'T PUSH THE LITTLE LEVER NEXT TO YOUR STEERING WHEEL UP OR DOWN??? I'M WRITING DOWN YOUR PLATE NUMBER, I'M FINDING OUT WHERE YOU LIVE, I'M GOING COME OVER THERE AND BREAK ALL YOUR FINGERS THEN YOU REALLY WON'T BE ABLE TO SIGNAL. YOU ARE FREAKING RUDE AND I FREAKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!
So you can see why I'm concerned for my well being.There are A LOT of crazy people in this world. I'm terrified for my life the next time I turn right without my blinker the person in the car behind me will be so pissed they'll follow me home and murder me. Ok, honestly I think everyone is going to murder me. Apparently I watch too many crime shows because I am convinced I'm going to wake up one night and someone is going to be standing over me and then murder me.
Speaking of crazy, at about 9:30 this morning my axis must have shifted or something because I started to feel weird. And then around 2:00 this afternoon, it tilted some more and now I feel realllllyyy weird. Like I should be creepin' around on my tip toes in the shadows. I can't tell if it's paranoia or I'm just really hungry or a small brain tumor that suddenly appeared or too much window cleaner (Reason #132 why cleaning sucks) but whatever it is I am NOT feeling it. And I swear everything looks darker? I did have a lot of busy work to get done today, busy work in my world means cutting out shapes of black paper, punch holes in foam shamrocks and squares of scrapbook paper, so maybe my eyeballs are over worked from focusing on not chopping my hands off. And actually I know what is making me paranoid but it's really stupid so I'm going to pretend I don't know what's going on. And now typing all that out made me, and probably you, feel even weirder. This moment, right here, you and me, padded room realness homies. Also I ate cereal for lunch so maybe that's why I'm all off kilter. Random but it needed said.
IN CLOSINNNNGG...I'm risking my life to drive over to my sister's now because apparently there is some workout called the butt bible I need to try? That sentence right there is clear indication of sexy (or not so sexy) butt pics to come. All I know is I'm taking a bag of frozen BBQ boneless chicken chunks (I called ahead she already has ranch), a can of pepper spray to deter murderers and praying this workout is set to the following playlist:
Track
1. "I Like Big Butts"
2. "Back that ass up"
3. Whatever that song is that goes booty booty booty booty rockin' errwheeree.
4. The Thong Song
5. Get low
6. Baby got back
7. every other song about asses and butts ever created. There are SO MANY.
Later party people.
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