Thursday, August 10, 2017

The Time I Tried Selling My Used Panties

So I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "I'm sick of working everyday of the week" and suddenly I had a brilliant idea. I decided that I was going to start selling my dirty panties online. I watched Orange is the New Black, I know the basic concept. I just wear a pair of underwear around for a couple days, take a couple pictures and boom! Money in my pocket. The more I thought about it, the more plausible the idea sounded. Before 8am I have a fucking solid business plan. See below.

So I'm super pumped and like, "Hell yes. I'm about to sell the shit out of my dirty ass panties!" I mean I had it all figured out. I could buy up a bunch of underwear at my retail job when they are on sale, get my employee discount so the overhead would be low. I wanted my business to be customer friendly of course, each buyer would have several options. Color, style, length of wear, etc. I wasn't real excited about taking pictures of myself in them but then I remembered I got some mad talent when it comes to camera angles and lighting. I was like, "I totally got this!"

And though I was fully confident in the above business plan, I had to do a little more research. So I start searching, 'selling used underwear'. I'm looking and getting some answers and info. I'll need a PO Box so I don't get stalked and murdered, turn off your phone's location to take pictures so they can't track you down, don't take pictures that show identifying marks unless you want everyone finding out about it. Sounds good! I'm actually doing this I guess. So then I find a link to a site that has a section where some of this panty selling goes down. Ok, more research couldn't hurt.....

Yeah......I'm clearly at a disadvantage. In all of the excitement, I failed to considered the fact that I am not a hot, skinny, tanned, 20 something college babe. I am an overweight, 31 year old, sad person with an extremely uneven tan. I mean, I'm sure there is some niche market somewhere I'm probably overlooking but just reading the descriptions some of these girls wrote up.....I mean I have daddy issues but not THOSE many daddy issues. Seriously: 

[Selling] VERY dirty and super old white cotton
 thong with SKAT marks 💩💩💩 
(yes..she put three poop emojis)


It was about then I decided to stick with what I know best...working my normal, non-pornographic jobs and telling myself that I'll someday write a book. So that's my story about "The time I thought about and almost tried selling my dirty panties online before I realized that those girls need some serious counseling but more importantly are way better looking than I am".

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