Monday, December 21, 2015

Ridiculous Christmas Gifts

Every year you see those commercials with the new cars & the big bows on top. I've always thought to myself, "Who the fuck does that? How do you just go out and buy a vehicle for someone?" Not only is it over the top but it seems really irresponsible too, which is why I did it. And here's how!

Now our old Impala, Vlad the Impaler, is an excellent work car. Besides the fact that only one the the window shield wipers worked and it smelled a little like gas, on the inside and the air conditioner had to be fixed a couple times, Vlad was alright.

Now for some backstory: When we went to go get a new vehicle for me, which was going to be a car, I decided it the ones we looked at were a little claustrophobic for me and I wanted more room for my independent critter control bidness activities, so I went with another SUV instead. What I didn't know was Husband had a plan in the back of his mind: I'd get a new car and then we would look at some used trucks for him. He never mentioned this, so of course I was all, "YEAH! NEW SUV! WITH ALL THE STUFF! AMBIENT LIGHTING! I'M A BALLLLLLAAAA. WHOOOPP!"

So what had happened was, we got me the fully loaded SUV with a payment that could easily cover the cost of both a new car and a used truck. Once again, this plan was not expressed to me until a few months later otherwise I would have taken the car and truck combo. Because I'm an asshole but not that big of an asshole.

And as you can tell, he puts my wants before his needs. So even though he had been actually looking for a used truck for a few months, I knew he would have put it off until Vlad started on fire or completely fell apart. He thinks things through, I force things until he gives in get shit done. It's our thing.

Then one Sunday, I'm driving home from the store and I go through a local car lot. Now finding a smallish truck is hard to do around here, they always seem to sell quickly, so I was super pumped when I saw they had a Chevy Colorado sitting out with a pretty low price tag. Being a rational person, I say nothing to Rob, set my alarm, get up early on Monday, walk into the dealership like a boss and say. "I wanna buy that truck for my husband! For Christmas! How do people do that?" The sales guy was like, "Uhh.. I don't know. Let me get my manager." And I'm like "ALRIGHT!" So he goes to get the manager and I start realizing I may have made a horrible mistake.

When the manager came out, we recognized each other as old classmates, we were all "Hey!" Not really essential to this story but it was neat. I felt super fucking grown up and cool.
So I look at the two guys and I say, "So I just thought this through, is this a mistake? Am I being ridiculous?" And they are like, "Yeah. Kind of. You should probably test drive it first..." Then I said, "Ok. Better idea, what if I test drive it to his work and just tell him I already bought it and if he is like, "WHAT THE HELL. WHY?!" I'll be all JK JK!" We all agreed that was the best plan.

The salesman was like, "Yo boss, do I let this crazy bitch just drive off with one of our vehicles with no adult supervision?" and old classmate was like, "Duhyeah! Give her one of those big bows too! CHRISTMAS!" So I drove the truck to his work, put the big bow on it and told him to come out.

"Surprise! I bought you this truck! Merry Christmas!"
"What?! What the bought it?"
"Well..errr..not all the way but if you want it you can have it! Do you want it?!"  Husband was obviously surprised and a little overwhelmed being forced to make a decision like that on a Monday morning. After a short test drive with an awful lot of muttered, "You're crazy"s and some deliberating he decided to give in to my heart felt plan and take the truck. After a few signatures, BOOM, done, Christmas truck.

So basically for Christmas, I gave my husband a truck payment. The gift that keeps on giving.

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